i hear you, too. hey, robert. there's anotr maneuver you can perform on yourself. hey, ma. hello, raymond. you want something to eat? no, i'm not hungry. you'll have a sandwich. let me get that for you. there you go. thank you. actually, i had just closeit. maybe i'llust hang out here for a little while. "celebra with celery." thanks.

what's wrong, raymond? what did she do? nothing. she's mad at me. she was -- she was eating an orange and she started coughing, but not big coughing, you know? and i guess i should have ne something or something. is that what she sd? no. she said e s choking and i should have saved her life. well, you know, raymond, i've always found debra to be very dandi. you know, so i didn't know the exact right thing to do at that particular moment. you ki'm still,didn't know you know...right? what, dear? well, like, in an emergency situation, you'd still want -- you want me around, right? what kind of emergency? i don't know. i save you frosomething, a flood, a fire.

are there other people around? oh, come on, ma. well, it was just that wh it comes to acting under pressure, you're not exactly, uh -- but robertappens to be very capable. yeah, but that's his j. he's had training. even before the training. all right, let's say robert's not here. he's -- he's giving cpr to a kitten, okay? then -- then you want me. is your father available? what? say what you will about him, but when it comes to something like this, he can be very impressive. i mean, he's a fight. he's got that inr rage. actually, he's just looking fo excuse to use it. and yolike that? you're the one always complaining that he isn't sensitive enough. but you just don't want sensitive. i mean, sensitive doesn't scare off a burglar or -- or a peeping tom. that's a big problem around here, is it?

how long does it take to make frickin' sandwich? you can't rush the love, frank. he's not the onlfighter, okay, ma? i'm tough, too. chair. i'm tough when the chips are down. what are you talking about? i'm tough when the chips amarie, cps. i'm talkin th i'm tough. tough to resist. yeah, you're tough. ha ha ha. yeah, what of it? all right. let's go. what? co o big st, arm wrestle. frank, take your elbow off the table. relax. you can have winners. come on. m wa. i'm not arm wrestling you, okay, you maniac i don't have anything to prove. well, then that proves something, doesn't it? don't listen to him. don't listen to him. you're a sweet boy and that's what you do.

i'm not swt! don't get upset. what i meant to y is that you're sweet, but you're also manly. you're a strapping, virile man. said his mommy. i'm not only his mommy, frank i'm also a woman. oh, god. you always do things like that. i remember you getting in fights all the time. getting picked on, you mean. a wedgie is not a fight. do you remember that boy who was bothering you and you walloped him? oh, yeah, that's right, robert's friend albert gomez. how old was this bruiser, 10? for your information, dad, i was 10, okay? he was 12...and 1/2. ooh. he called me "big nose barone" and i said, "stop." he said -- he said, "okay, b.n.b." i knew what that meant, yeah, so i punched him in the stomach and he went down like a sack of doorknobs.

yeah. it wasn't "big nose barone" anymore. it wassuper punch." and you don't have a big nose, dear. it's perfect for your face. it'serfect for two faces. all right, dadhuh? knock it off. easy there, super punch. what did they call you, super paunch? easy theri'm right here. all right, let go. i don't li that. stop it, and t on my egg salad. ready? go. i'm just playing with you. yeah. yeah, sure. 3...2...1. ha ha ha. what did you expt, kid? 's my tv arm. you're a bully, frank.

come on -- two out of three. aah, mfunny bone! frank, look what you did. he's hurt. i'll take aahhis sawich, too. waiting for your wrinkle cream to work? neutrogena® rapid wrinkle repair has the fastest retinol formula. to visibly reduce fine lines and wrinkles in just onweek. neutrogena®. to visibly reduce fine lines and wrinkles in just onweek. medicare part d plan did you know that if you enroll in a where walmart is a preferred pharmacy, you could save up to 80% on your co-pays over other pharmacies? this could lower your prescription co-pays to as low as a dollar so you can enjoy the things that really matter. and now that we're a preferred pharmacy for many natnal plans, it's never been easier to save.

chse a plan ere walmart is a preferred pharmacy provider logging on to walmart.corxplans now through december 7th. save money. live better. walmart. mom swaps one of my snacks for a ylait. i don't mind, i mean 's orange crème. and when mom said bobby was too edgy... 'sup girl i just swapped him out for tyler. 'sup girl. mom never qstioned bobby again.

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that kicks in right when you need it. new jalape kicker sandwiches, only for a limited time. there's something for everyone to love at mcdonald's. ♪ hey, nemo, you know what to do if somebody's choking? change the special. hey, man, how's it going? hey, you were late. we ordered pizza with jalapeños. deal with it. yeah, yeah, yeah. what, do you wear the unifori'm on a lunch break. they make us wear these for work. huh! what's with you? nothing. you're a bad brother. hey, don't say that. a brother is a friend givebyature.

all right, look, raymond's mad at me because i showed debra the heimlich maneuver. is that a euphemism? you don't come and show me up in front of my wife. he let her most choke to death. well, that's not right. she's was coughing on a piece of fruit! thanks to this boy scout, she thinks i'm useless. i'd rather be a boy scout than a girl scout. what are you saying? i'm saying i'll take a box of thin mints, sweetie. whatoes that mean? what did you want to drink, ray? i'll have a coke. you want to arm wrestle for it? andy: that's good. thats good. dad had me paged at work. d he tell you that he cheated, huh? he was using his whole body, not to mention his breath. your dad's a real man. he does get the job done. i get the job done. uh, we're getting some conflicting reports.

apparently, you're weaker than a feeble old geezer and you almost lost your bride to an orange. shut up. our bodies are covered with hair for a reason. to nauseate your fellow diners? 'cause we're supposed to be men, and, ray, as youfriend,useate i can honestly sayow diners? unless you provide for and protect your woman, you should get out of the way. give me a shot. unless you provide for all right.t your woman, look, come on. debra would never go for you. who would she go for, you? i don't think that's a question. all right, would you both shuup? i-i'm serious. my legs are taller than you. oh, yeah? you're a real man? check this out. i shaved an hour ago. again with the hair? what else you got? who would debra pick first, me or gianni? whoa! hey, i'm not necessarily ouof this. if raymond goes, i'm the brother. i get her. it's in the bible. whoa! whoa!

okay, all right. would everybody just leave raymond alone? he's obviously sensitive, and at the end of the day, that's what t ladies like. andy, at the end of the day, you have to blow up your lady. i do fine with the women. they find me cuddly and cute and wh they poke me the belly, i go, "hee-hee-hee." hee-hee-hee. what did you think, i wasn't going to back it up? don't listen to them, raymond. you are not useless. guys like usdon't havp in these stereotypical gender roles where the man has to take care of the woman. thank you, andy, but you're really not helping me with the me-to-you comparison, okay? i don't want to be taken care of.

yeah. what are you laughing at? i'm just noting the irony in your statement in light of the fact you live across the street from yr mother. what are you talking about? you lived there for 35 years. lived, lived -- past tense. i'm now miles away from them... 1.38iles. yeah, you're the person i should be taking advice from. we're trying to help you out here, but you got to bring something to the table. now, andy -- he's cute and squishable, gianni is hairy and scary, you heard me -- be the perfecalgam.gam. i don't have tou're defend myself to you idiots.ere. i'm not the perfect man, but i'm pretty sure i'm the only one sitting here who has a woman. for no ha ha. very funny, cousin it.

debra happens to like the fact that i have the right amount of hair in the right amount of places. oh, i'm sure that was a comforting last thought before she blacked out. [ imitating debra ] raymond's body's so smooth, like a hairless...cat. bye. bye-bye. come on, where you going? the pizza'coming. i'm going home to my wife, okay? and everything is fine my in my house.ght? i happen to be all the man sanytime, anywher hey there, slim fast. oh, give me those bags. it's okay. let me take them. i want them. where do they go? right here.

anything else? no. what are you doing? just taking care of a few things. you know, i checked the sme detectors, i changed a light bulb, squashed a bug, uh, yeah... made a crackling noise. didn't bother me. what els any bags left in the car? how's the car driving? you want me to pop the hood and check under the, uh, thing? no, the car is -- it's reay fine. where's the ketchup? oh, come on, i know i bought ketchup. i bet they didn't put it in a bag. those sons of bitches. i'm going to go down there. found it. got it? all right, because i'd go down there. i'd come back with two ketchups. you okay? yeah, everything's cool, just taking care of things. what are youoing? ing to put the stool back. i got it, honey.no, no. ow. what?

splinter. oh, i'm sorry. splinter? no, i can do that. what's the matter with you? you got a splinter. i'm on it. that's okay. i can get it don't woy, uh, everything's under control. i'm here, okay? tweezers, where are the tweezers? over there. what are you doing? calm down. where are thtweezers? they're right there. okay, i got them. ow, ow, you're hurting me. don't worry. i can do this. i can get it. will you let me do it, please? no, i happen to be good at this. pleasewill you stop? sit down! you are eang mout. the chips are down here! get away from me. what are you doing? get away from me! ray! ray, look... honey... honey... what, you want to prove that you're a man by taking my splinter out? just admit it, that you need me.

ray, get off of me! what are you doing, you're insan give me the splinter. ease, stop it! please! ray! just stop it. you stop it. no, you stop it. let me pick up the tweezers. stop it, stop it. honey, well, stoptruggling.ng hand! yogome alturn around here. just relax. your knee is in my rib. that'skay. just stop it for a minute. what? look, i know what you're trying to do, but you don't have to do it. i mean, i think i overreacted yesterday ani'm sorry if i did, honey. no. no, you didn't. i should have done something. i screwed up. no, you didn't. no, honey,

i think you're a wonderful husband. no, you don't. yes, i do. you're a good man. hmm? come here. can i get up now? i got to get that splinter. oh, honey, please. eetie, no, no, no, no. i'm getting it. i'm getting it. it's hurting me! got it! yeah! oh, yeah! oh, you picked the wrong guy'wife to go into, splinter. whoo-hoo! and stay out look at the size of that. thanks, ray. you see? goes one way and it juts another way. that's why it was hard to rip out of you.

okay. all right. where are you going? goto go get a band-aid now 'cause it's bleeding. oh, ere islood.all right. you all right?are you going? you want me toelp you? no, no. i'm fine. that's okay. i'm right here if youeed me. okay. i don't like blood.

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just made it. [ell chimes ] [an ] hi, folks. looks like we're ing to be here at least 15 minutes. hello, jimmy john's? someone order jimmy john's? [ tires screech ] [ male announcer ] jimmy john's. order online at jimmyjohns.com. [ indistinct talking on p.a. ]

order online at jimmyjohns.com. and then the beautiful princess said, "oh, brave and handsome knight, "thank you for taking that painful wooden spike "out of myand. "i will marry you. i'm lucky to marry you," and the townspeople rejoiced, except for the giant, evil, cowardly brother, who was banished from the kingdom forever and had to live 1.38 miles away. children: yeah! debra: my hero. captioning made possible by talk productions captioned by captioneering your closed captioning resource

s ishe creamy chicken corn chowder. i mean, look at it. so indulgent. did i tell you i am on the... [ both ] icken pot pie diet! me too! [ me announcer ] so indulgent, you'll never believe they're light. 100-calorie progresso ght soups.

[ female announcer ] at 100 calories, not all od choices add up. some are giant. some not so giant. wn managing youweight, bigger is always better. ♪ ho ho ho ♪ green giant ray: i don't get it. how did my mom know about that? ♪ ho ho ho i never told anye about tammy gelles the only way my mom could have found out about it is if she read my journal or something. you kept a diary? oh, my gosh! i didn't know that. that is so sweet. it wasn't a diary. it was a journal. thaoh, sorry.eet. dear diary, another girl beat me up today. oh, yeah, it's just all a barrel of giggles to you, right? come on, you think my mom really did read my journal?

oh, honey, what's so surprising? she would ride a q-tip into your brain if she could. i know, but even if she did read it, how'd she crack the code? you had a code? what was the code? it was a code i inveed. okay, say something to me in your code. why-okah what? i'm answering you in the code. why-okah. okay, one more. why-okah, my ee-whif. my wife? "okay, my wife." so you just took the last letter of the word and put it in front? maybe. wow. how uncrackab. it's a good code.

no, no, it is. it's not at all...ee-lam. it's not lame. rry, that's okay. goodnight, my little... ass-jack. that's -- th's not even how you do it, okay? it's not the wholeord. it's just the letter. it's es-jacka.

[ man ] adventure, it meantaking chances. it means trying something new. [ woman ] just,hat uncertnty of what'so come. [ man ] just kding. ♪ can you pease stop doing that? ♪ [ woman ] you walk outside in brooklyn, and it's cement and broken glass. and this is just like... the opposite of that. ♪ the opposite of that. oh, good morning, dear. hello. well, would you like someancakes? sure. why not? doou have any... en-baco? any what, dear? some en-baco... to go with my es-pancake. why are you talking gibberish?

is it gibberish? well, i certainl don't understand it. really? 'cause i-i think that you do. en-baco! what are you doing? what do you think i'm doing? en-baco. is that spanish for something? so you -- you admit that it's another language. well, it sounds like bacon. you read my journal! what journal? ohwhat journal? the journal that i kept as kid w else would you know about en-baco and tammy gelles? whwhat are you talking about? are you saying that you never read my journal? i didn't even know you had a journal. yes, you did, and you read every word oit! raymond, i never read your journal! yes, you ddad, did momread eever read my journal? all right, i read your jonal! ah! what journal?

what do you mean journal? his journal with the dungaree cover. i don't know where are my pancakes?t. his journal, frank. we used to sit up at night and read it after johnnyson. i confessed for nothin you read it to him? well, he couldn't figureut the code. oh, yeah! your little girlie book. ha ha ha ha. there was some funny stuff in there. all right. like sleepg with a belt around your head to make your nose smaller. how could you go into my journal?? i wanted to know what was in there. it was private! there was stuff in there i didn't want anyone to know about! like when he glued bottle caps to his socks because he wanted to be a tap dancer? shut up, dad.

oh, don't be angry, dear. i read it for yo o good. yeah, yeah, sure you did. i just wanted to know that you were okay, that you weren't on drugs. you know dancers -- always trying to keep their weight down. shh, frank. i mean, how else was i supposed to know what was hapning in your life? why couldn't you be like a normal parent and ask me? i did ask you. did you ever answer me? [ grunts ] exactly. that'what you said about everything. "how waschool today?" [ grunts ] "did you finish lunch?" [ grunts ] "what about the other boys? did they like your outfit today?" [ grunts ] you didn't leave m. so you're perftly fine with thi you don't think you've doneve m. anytng wrong? i was just trying to be a good mother. you don't think yoi mean,neve m. anytif you can't see that, and i see that you can't. i mean, obviously you feel that i stepped over some "boundaries." then i-i want to apologiraymond.

no, really, i mean it. i'm sorry, raymond. all right then. so, are there pancakes? that's it? you don't have anything to say to me? wh do you mean? i just apologized for doing something that apparently offended you, and you have nothing to say to me? thank you? thank you. so you think that you're innocent in all of this. yeah. fine.

that's just fine, raymond. let me tell you something, you mahave written that diary, but i had to read it! waiting for your wrinkle cream to work? neutrogena® rapid wrinkle repair has the fastest retinol formula. to visibly reduce fine lines and wrinkles in just one week. neutrogena®. to visibly reduce fine lines and wrinkles in just one week. medica pard pl did u know tha if younroll in a where waart is preferredharmacy, you could save up 80% on your co-pays over other pharmacs? this could lower your prescription co-pays to as low as a dollar soand now that we're things a prerred pharmacy.

for many national plans, it's never been easier to save. choose any plan where walmar is a preferred pharmacy provider by logging on to lmarcom/rxplans now through december 7th. save money. live better. walmart.