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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  May 14, 2024 11:34pm-12:37am PDT

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she is just the fourth miniature poodle to claim the top prize in the 148 years of the contest. sage's handler cried as the crowd cheered. he says this is his 45th year participating in the dog show, and it is the last of his career. look how cute sage is. look at the haircut. you need a dog. you should get a miniature poodle like this. how could i do a haircut? like cute? specialized haircuts. buy $500 haircut. fact the kids would love it. that's going to do it for us. rob, you have the last word for tomorrow morning. nice. got some fog for the morning,
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warmer for the afternoon. next two days. the warmest of the week around the bay area. thanks for joining us tonight. have a great day tomorrow. bye bye. >> jimmy: hey bub, do you wanna do the tiktok portrait challenge? [ cheers and applause ] >> okay. >> jimmy: we just paint each other's portraits, and then show 'em to each other when we're done. >> 'kay. ♪ [ light laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: okay. i'm done. >> me too. >> jimmy: let me show you my painting of you. >> that's pretty good. >> jimmy: right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's good. let me see yours. [ laughter ] that's not what i look like. >> you gotta look closer. closer. [ thud ] >> jimmy: ooh.
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[ laughter and applause ] >> congratulations on ten years. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- robert de niro, chelsea handler, musical guests, ms. lauryn hill and yg marley, and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: ten! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: oh, my gosh. [ cheers and applause ] thank you very, very much. i appreciate it. >> i love you, jimmy! >> jimmy: thank you very much. enjoy yourself. welcome, everybody. welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." [ cheers and applause ] you're here! thank you for watching. i'm very excited about this. robert de niro is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] backstage, i told him he's the greatest actor of all time, and he said, "well, you're the greatest talk show host of all time." [ scattered cheers ] i said, "really?" and he said, "no, i'm just the greatest actor of all time." [ laughter ] robert de niro was actually my first "late night" guest. i asked him if i had gotten better at interviewing and he said, "i'll see you out there, buddy." [ laughter ] well, guys, earlier tonight nbc aired our show's ten-year anniversary special. ten years! [ cheers and applause ] amazing. ten years.
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[ cheers and applause ] it's hard to believe when i got the job, president biden was just a fresh-faced 71-year-old. you know, that's -- [ laughter ] that's right, we've been on the air for one pandemic, two presidential elections, and 300 "fast and the furious" movies. [ laughter ] 'course, i want to say thank you to my wife, my kids, and most of all, my lawyer, michael cohen. [ laughter ] speaking of cohen, today he continued testifying in former president trump's hush money trial. during his testimony, cohen laid out tons of evidence, including tapes, emails, photos and calendar events. it's pretty impressive, one of trump's lawyers might actually win a case. [ laughter and applause ] yeah, wild. some more political news, senator bernie sanders defended his decision to seek a fourth term in office, saying, "i would not have run if i didn't think i had the energy." [ light laughter ] bernie was like, "if you put a a windmill in front of my mouth, i could power las vegas." [ laughter and applause ]
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you go, "yeah, you got a lot of energy." well, switching gears, i saw that playstation just announced that they're hiring two new ceos. it's already a mess, 'cause they spent the first day fighting over who gets to use the nice controller. [ laughter ] well get this, seafood chain, red lobster is struggling, and they just abruptly closed 99 of their restaurants around the country. >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy: the news is kind of shocking, red lobster was doing well. they were like, "how are we closing?" meanwhile, long john silver's was like, "how are we still open?" [ laughter ] some more business news, pringles just introduced a new type of puffy snack that comes in a bag instead of a can, called "pringles mingles." [ light laughter ] there's no can and no chips. basically, pringles was like, "what if we weren't pringles?" [ laughter ] is it me, or does "pringles mingles" sound like a dating app for potato chips? [ light laughter ] "we met on -- we met on pringles mingles." well, as i mentioned, we're celebrating our show's ten-year anniversary, and we're so proud to have done ten years of "the tonight show." >> hey. [ cheers and applause ]
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yeah, woo-hoo. oh, great. that's great. hey, fallon. fallon, i'm here for my money. >> jimmy: i'm sorry, who are you? >> oh, oh, wait, you really gonna act like you don't recognize me? every night before the show, you ordered nuts from my nuts-4-nuts -- cart. [ laughter ] you got it? >> jimmy: no. do you understand what you're saying? [ laughter ] >> look, man, listen. every night you order nuts from my nuts-4-nuts cart! 'cause you nuts for nuts, get it? >> jimmy: what -- what are you talking about? >> no, what are you talking about? what you talking about, tryin' to throw it back on me, tryin' to back foot me? >> jimmy: what are you talking about? i'm not back footing -- >> roll the opening credits. >> steve: tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- >> right there. >> steve: robert de niro, [ laughter ] >> right there! no, hold up, hold up, hold up. show that last part again. show that last part again, but slow it down. >> jimmy: okay, yeah, yeah, okay. [ laughter ] okay, yeah, yeah, okay. yeah, okay, look, you -- you
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can't -- you can't be serious. >> what're you talking about? 'course i'm serious, man. you buy nuts from me every day before every episode, right? but then what do you do? you always run off and don't pay. [ laughter and ohs ] you're always like -- you're always like, "i'm sorry, i've got a show." [ light laughter ] tonight -- tonight was the best one. you was like, "sorry, robert de niro is on the show. i -- i gotta go." >> jimmy: look, i'm sorry, bud. >> look, look, look man, sorry don't pay for nuts. [ light laughter ] now hold on. as i tell you every single night, man, it's $3 a bag, and i put my fingers just like that. [ laughter ] and this is your 1,973rd show. so that means you owe me $5,919. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's a lot. >> yeah, well, i just don't be giving out my nuts for free. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, all right, i'll pay you. >> all right, also now, look now, you know you could work it
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off, by just plugging my business on your show. >> jimmy: fine. what's the name of your business? >> deez nuts -- [ laughter ] -- deez nuts, deez nuts. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ahh, okay, all right, thank you. the nut vendor from the opening credits, everyone. the nut vendor, that's him. [ cheers and applause ] i know him. i know him. >> steve: i can't believe that. why, i never. >> jimmy: did you guys see this? the major airlines are suing to block a rule that would require them to disclose all their fees, saying that it would confuse customers by overloading them with information. the new rule would save customers an estimated $500 million a year. so yeah, i think i speak for everyone, when i say, "go ahead, confuse us." [ cheers and applause ] we're good. we'll figure it out. some tv news, amazon prime is coming out with a "jeopardy!" spinoff called "pop culture jeopardy!" yep, "pop culture jeopardy!" which is nicer than the original name "not smart enough jeopardy!" [ laughter ] and finally, i heard about a a church in germany that put on a taylor swift themed service
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to try to boost attendance. [ light laughter ] it's the first time kids in church were scolding their dads like, "shh, pay attention." [ laughter and applause ] we have a great show, everyone. give it up for the roots. come on. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, roots. welcome to the show, everybody. i want to welcome everyone who watched our ten-year anniversary special earlier tonight. that was so much fun. crazy looking back on all the stuff that we've done all -- all these years. >> steve: it's crazy. >> jimmy: i mean, yeah. but me and you -- by the way, steve higgins, i couldn't do the show without steve higgins. [ cheers and applause ] couldn't do the show without you. we've known each other -- we've known each other for -- >> steve: since '98? >> jimmy: since 1998, yeah. >> steve: 1998. >> jimmy: 26 years. >> steve: that's almost ten years. >> jimmy: steve writes and produces on "saturday night live," and we did so many bits together.
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what did we do? "barry gibb talk show." we've done "corksoakers." >> steve: yep. >> jimmy: "celebrity jeopardy!" >> steve: jeopardies. >> jimmy: all that stuff. >> steve: all the -- my favorite one was when we had to think of the bit for mick jagger. >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> steve: and we thought of 300 bits and we go, "we'll put the -- we'll put this one in, too." >> jimmy: no, what happened was, i went to lorne, 'cause mick jagger was the musical guest and he wanted to do a a sketch. and lorne -- i go, "i got a a good idea. what if i, like, do mick in the mirror?" you know, "and i talk like that," you know. and lorne goes -- [ light laughter ] lorne goes, "please don't do that." [ laughter ] he goes, "it's been done, jimmy, it's been done. lucille ball has done it, blah-blah-blah, the marks brothers. don't do it. it's -- it's -- it's lame." i go, "okay." so we pitch ideas to mick jagger and i pitched him -- >> steve: probably 30 ideas. >> jimmy: 30 ideas, i'm like -- he's really nice. so, i'm like, "here's me and you, we work at a sunglass hut," or whatever. and he was like, "no, don't like that." and i go, "here's me and you, you clone yourself as keith richards." so he's like, "nah, i don't really like that." [ light laughter ] and i go, "here's me and you eating ice cream, we're licking it off the same cone."
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he goes, "no, i don't really like that." [ laughter ] and so i'm running, flop sweat's coming down, i'm running out of ideas. i go, "how about you come on, you're like, 'why am i doing this show? i've done it so many times, in the '70s and the '80s.' and i'm your reflection in the mirror, and i'm like, "yeah, what'll do that? '" and he goes, "oh, i like that." [ laughter ] so, i had to go to lorne -- i had to go to lorne and go, "oh, yeah." i go "the good news is he wants to do a sketch. bad news, we're doing the mirror bit." [ laughter ] but it turned out to be one of the best things ever. >> steve: it was great. and we had to build the set so fast. >> jimmy: overnight. we wrote it on a friday. >> steve: yeah, it was crazy. >> jimmy: but do you remember when i first came and asked you to -- to be my sidekick and announcer? >> steve: oh, yeah. at the paul weller concert with fred. >> jimmy: yeah. we went to irving plaza. and i was running over there, and i didn't know that you were going to be there. >> steve: no, 'cause i went with fred armisen. he goes, "you want to go see --" 'cause he knows i love the -- "you want to go see paul weller?" i go, "yeah." so i see you, i stand behind you, and i think i put my knee in your leg so you went like that. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, you did some type of joke for me. but then, i go, "higgins, i was actually going to talk to you." and you go, "before you say anything, i just want to let
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you know, i want to help you with whatever you do with your show." and i go, "that's what i was gonna ask you. i want you to be my sidekick, my announcer." >> steve: i said, "oh, my god." [ audience aws ] >> jimmy: yeah, that's where it happened. and now here we are. [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. for all the laughs and all the fun. of course, the roots over there, we couldn't do it without the roots, ladies and gentlemen, right there. the best band -- [ cheers and applause ] -- in all the land. ten years. >> tariq: ten years. >> jimmy: ten years of "tonight show," but five years of "late night," too, on top of that. >> tariq: yeah. >> jimmy: and i -- do you remember how we first got in touch with each other? >> questlove: yeah. you came -- well you asked neal brennan. >> jimmy: yeah, i asked neal brennan, who was a writer and producer on "chappelle's show" to -- if he wants to help with "late night." he goes, "no i'm gonna kind of focus on comedy." and i go, "comedy? like, standup comedy?" and now he's one of the best, you know, standups out there. so i go -- so he goes, "no, thanks. but who's gonna be your band?" and i go, "i don't know yet, i know." he goes, "you gotta pick a good one, 'cause conan has a great band.
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i mean, he's got max weinberg, that's a great --" i go, "i know." he's like, "you know what? you should ask the roots." i go, "you think the roots would be my house band?" he goes, "oh, no. but you should ask them --" [ laughter ] "-- 'cause they'll help you. they know people, and they'll help you get a band, but they're -- no." so i go, "oh." then i go, "what's the worst that could happen?" >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: so i asked the roots, their manager richard at the time, richard nichols. and, i said -- i asked them, and then i didn't hear back for -- two months? three months? >> questlove: yeah, three months. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: four months, something like that? yeah, i get it. they're just not that into you. so i go, okay. [ laughter ] and then i stalked you, right? >> tariq: yeah, yeah, you did the same thing that you did with higgins -- you cornered us at a concert. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, i cornered you in the most polite, charming way. >> tariq: yeah. >> jimmy: i saw you at ucla, right? >> questlove: we were getting our "no" ready -- our "no" ready. and then, i did an interview, and then came out of my trailer, and you had convinced these guys to get in a human pyramid. >> tariq: yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, we got in a a cheerleader pyramid. [ light laughter ] >> questlove: and that's when i knew you weren't taking no for
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an answer. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's the truth. that was it, but it's great to look at all those memories, and all that stuff, and just have all the fun that we've had on this show. and i can't thank this crew and staff enough. everybody's been with us since day one. and i just love ya. [ cheers and applause ] and thank you, of course, to everyone here tonight, and everyone watching at home. you changed -- changed my life. changed my life. thank you so much. we have a great show for you, tonight. he's one of the greatest actors of all time. his new movie "ezra" is in theaters may 31st, and his annual tribeca festival kicks off june 5th, right here in new york city. robert de niro is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] another one of my favorites, her las vegas residency, "chelsea at the chelsea" kicks off labor day weekend at the cosmopolitan, where she will make history as the venue's
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first female headliner. chelsea handler is here this evening. [ cheers and applause ] the best. and we've got special, great music tonight with ms. lauryn hill and yg marley! [ cheers and applause ] stick around. we'll be right back with "go on, git!" come on back, now. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, guys. it can be hard to say goodbye, but sometimes you have to. and there are a few things i'd like to say goodbye too right now. it's time for "go on, git!" [ cheers and applause ] ♪ go on git go on git go on, go on go on git ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: go on, git, people who keep asking to try different samples of ice cream before ordering. so, you're telling me you don't already know what cookies and cream tastes like? [ laughter ] well, here's a hint, cookies and cream.
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why don't you take your tiny spoon, quit holding up the line, and pick a flavor already. how about one scoop of go, sprinkle in a little bit of git. [ cheers and applause ] go on, git, ambiguous instructions for wedding attire. [ laughter ] what the hell is casual elegance, or black-tie beach semi-formal? am i supposed to wear a tuxedo or a speedo? [ laughter ] you got me wearing a bow tie and a baby bonnet. what the hell kind of wedding is this? i'm happy you found the love of your life, but i before i drink your open bar dry, i now pronounce you go on and git. [ cheers and applause ] [ spitoon dings ] go on, git, people who say, "i promise this isn't a spoiler." spoiler alert, yes, it is. you know why it's not a spoiler to you?
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because you've already seen the show already. i just want to watch "baby reindeer" at my own pace, okay? and while i'm doing that, you can go on, git, nipple. [ cheers and applause ] [ spitoon dings ] [ spitoon dings ] [ spitoon dings ] someone else is spitting in my spitoon. [ laughter ] [ spitoon dings ] [ spitoon dings ] [ laughter ] go on, git, people who feel and squeeze every fruit and vegetable at the grocery store before buying them. i'm trying to buy food for my family, not watch you start an only fans with a tomato. [ laughter ] so before you grope a grape, go on and git. [ cheers and applause ] go on, git, friends who say, "you want to share an entree."
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are we in a restaurant or on "survivor?" [ laughter ] only thing we're going to share is a check, and i ordered a a little bit of go on, but i ain't paying for that git. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ go on, git, capri-sun pouches. you've been around for 50 years. why hasn't the scientific community cracked an easier way to get a straw into you? [ laughter ] i don't want to have to feel like i'm a scorned wife in a a lifetime movie every time i want to get my fruit punch on. i banish you to the mini fridge in the garage. now, git. [ cheers and applause ] oh, it's windy. it's windy today. go on, git, scissors that come in a plastic package that i need scissors to open. [ laughter ] this is a real chicken and egg situation you got me in.
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how am i supposed to open my scissors if i don't have any scissors? [ laughter ] and i just spent 20 minutes looking for my glasses which apparently were on my head. but now i can see the eye chart nice and clear and it says, "g-o-o-n-g-i-t." go on, git. [ cheers and applause ] it's hard to see them go, but i'm glad i've got it out of my system. stick around, we'll be right back with robert de niro! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> jimmy: our first guest is an oscar-winning actor and a a legendary new yorker. his new movie, "ezra," is in theaters may 31st, and the 2024 tribeca festival kicks off june 5th here in new york city. please welcome robert de niro! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. they love you. they love you. i love you. welcome back to the show. you were actually on my very first "tonight show." >> yes. >> jimmy: i had a -- i said, hey, my friend -- i had a a $100 bet with my friend that you said i'd never host "the tonight show." and look at me now, you owe me a 100 bucks, and then you came out and threw 100 bucks on my desk. [ light laughter ] so that was good luck.
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[ cheers and applause ] that was good luck. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. you actually were my first-ever guest on "late night" back in the day. >> oh, really? >> jimmy: 15 years ago. >> wow. >> jimmy: i couldn't book the show, and -- because i was taking over for conan o'brien, i was brand new and no one knew if i was going to be a hit or not. and so i remember we did a a couple of charity events or i did something with you at the tribeca festival. and i called you and said "would you want to come on", and you're like, "i have nothing to promote or talk about, but i will." and i go, i'll never forget that. you did me a solid. that was awesome. that was really nice of you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. congrats on your ninth academy award nomination, by the way. [ cheers and applause ] not too -- [ cheers and applause ] not too shabby. do you get excited when you get nominated for -- >> yeah, i mean, i don't get not excited. [ laughter ] it's nice.
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>> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] i feel like our interviews have gotten better throughout the years. [ laughter ] but do you -- how do you act, though. because, what, you're up against robert downey, jr. so your name is pretty similar. [ light laughter ] >> yeah, it was. and he was great in the movie. >> jimmy: oh yeah, yeah. >> i didn't recognize him in the beginning, and i kept saying, "who's that, who's that?" and then i realized it was him. then i saw him at a thing last summer and i said, "you were terrific, really great." >> jimmy: but when you're at the academy awards and they go, the winner is robert de -- >> yeah, yeah, that happened. that happened. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: like, i saw your face -- >> i didn't go like this, but i -- >> jimmy: a little bit, yeah. i saw you react a little bit there. you were like. >> then i got used to it after a few times. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you just kept standing up and sitting down. like, "congratulations. yeah, awesome." [ laughter ] i want to talk about the tribeca festival.
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because this is 23 years, you and jane rosenthal -- >> yes. >> jimmy: -- started this. i think i was at the first one, with you. >> yes. >> jimmy: we did a bit together, but 23 years. >> yeah. >> jimmy: amazing. [ cheers and applause ] was it -- was it always the plan to just keep doing it every year? >> no, i mean, we didn't know how it would turn out, and every year it would still be going strong. so we just kept doing it. but we had no idea that it would -- hopefully it would, but, become part of the city, part of the fabric of the city. and so it did. and it's great. >> jimmy: and now it's everything. it's tv shows, it's podcasts, it's video games. it's the biggest thing out there. and i think it's so cool what you're doing for all these young directors, too, and all these new movies. they owe a lot to you and jane and what you guys have done for the city. >> thanks. >> jimmy: thank you very much. congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] let's talk about your new film, "ezra."
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this is -- this is fantastic. and i love everyone involved with this. how did you -- how did you get hooked up with this? >> well, they had contacted me about doing it and being a part of it. i wasn't sure in the beginning. i asked for a reading, a table reading. i do a lot with a movie, i'll have a -- we sit around a table and some of the actors who are already involved, just a bunch of actors had gotten together. >> jimmy: bobby cannavale is great. >> yeah, and so we had the reading, and then i was still apprehensive about certain things, i wasn't sure. and we talked about it, and they -- adjusted those things and so on and so forth. everybody was so nice, good spirit. people who had this had been involved in situations with their own kids, say the writer, tony spiridakis, and myself and so on. we all had that thing together. >> jimmy: a child with autism, but it's a great story, and once again, you do a fantastic job.
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here's robert de niro in the movie "ezra." take a look. >> you can't even say the word. >> it's just a word. >> autism. >> yeah, whatever. >> saying it out loud, it -- it'll help ezzy in his life. >> yeah, you know what? i don't -- i'm not sure about that. >> we've got to be able to talk about this and not -- >> okay, tell me. what do you want to talk about? >> be hiding, i don't want to be hiding about it. i wanna talk about it, i want to give it a name. i wanna get all the help we can get. >> who's hiding? who's hiding? nobody is hiding. >> max is hiding him right now. he took him, he's hiding him. >> he's not hiding him, he's taking him somewhere. >> jimmy: robert de niro, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] "ezra" is in theaters may 31st. check out "tribecafilm.com" for tickets to the tribeca festival. you always show up -- you always show up for me. i love you, bud. >> that's it? >> jimmy: that's it. robert de niro. come on back.
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both: cash reward? and there's a cash bonus when you open a new checking account to get you started. wow. anything you can't do? ( ♪♪ ) mugs. ♪ bmo ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is one of my favorites. she kicks off her las vegas residency "chelsea at the chelsea" labor day weekend at the cosmopolitan, where she'll make history as the venue's first female headliner. please welcome, chelsea handler!
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: come on, bud. i'm so happy to see you. >> happy birthday! >> jimmy: yeah, thank you very much. >> it's the show's birthday, you guys. it's ten years. >> jimmy: ten years, a big deal. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ you've always been great to us. do you know, this is actually your -- this is your 14th appearance on our show. >> 14 times? >> jimmy: yeah, thank you very much for being a great guest. [ cheers and applause ] >> wow. well, i want to say thank you for being a very gracious host. because -- you probably don't know this, because you guys are in the audience, or in the audience -- but backstage, whenever i bring any of my nieces, or nephews, or family members, jimmy is the most gracious host. comes, takes pictures with my whole family, and is so nice. and not every talk show host does that. so i really, really appreciate
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it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for saying that. we're gonna get to this, you're making some history here. >> look at that smoke show, you guys. >> jimmy: look at that -- that's what i'm talking about. [ cheers and applause ] you look fantastic. stunner, stunner. do you -- by the way, i always think about this, the first time you ever came on the show, it was "late night" and i was very nervous. >> oh, yes. >> jimmy: and we did a bit where we raced through the audience. do you remember this? >> yes, i beat you, right? >> jimmy: yes, you beat me. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: and i'm very competitive. >> i remember wearing nursing sneakers, because you guys didn't have any sneakers for me to run in. so, i had to put on these like white, heavy, reebok nursing sneakers. >> jimmy: yes, we wanted to make sure everyone was safe. and then i got very competitive. the idea was we had martini glasses. >> yes -- >> jimmy: 'cause you -- that was part of your -- >> 'cause i like alcohol. >> jimmy: you do like alcohol, yeah. [ laughter ] that's why. i was trying to think of a a different reason, but yes. and we had to run through the audience, and then come down and pour whatever we had left in a beaker, and see whoever got past a certain line fastest won the game or something like that.
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>> yes, and you -- but you didn't -- it didn't go well for you, 'cause you ended up breaking the glass and fall -- did you fall? >> jimmy: yes, i slipped -- >> on your face? >> jimmy: i slipped -- no, i slipped on the vodka and fell on my hands. and i was so -- it taught us a a lesson because it wasn't plastic, we used glass. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and so i cut both of my hands open. >> and was bleeding, like, a a lot. and we were wrapping up the show, and i was like, "goodnight. thank you." and then i'm like, "oh, my god." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, no, 'cause i -- i think i had your book, and i was holding your book. and i go, "pick up chelsea's new book." and there was blood all over the book. [ laughter ] and you were like, "oh, my god! what's wrong? you're bleeding. are you okay? you okay?" it was crazy. we actually -- we have a clip of it? ♪ [ cheers and applause ] [ audience ohs ] ♪ >> jimmy: why -- why was i -- why am i that competitive? you're just being funny pouring
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it into a thing. >> yeah, well, i mean, honestly, i have -- i'm an advanced drinker, so i don't have the issues that you're dealing with. i can run and drink. i can swim and drink. [ laughter ] i can play volleyball and drink. i can do whatever. >> jimmy: volleyball, yeah. i'm happy that you came on the show tonight, you and robert de niro. >> i know, i'm very sexually attracted to robert de niro. [ laughter ] i'm not gonna -- i'm not gonna pretend that i'm not. i have -- i couldn't even go near him backstage, because his girlfriend's back there, and i don't want her to think that i'm making a move. but i am -- i want to make a a move, you know? [ laughter ] i just -- i have a penchant for elderly men. >> jimmy: you do? >> yeah, i do. i always date older. i mean, at some point i'll have to stop, you know, because it's gonna get too old. but i -- [ laughter ] i feel sexually attracted to robert de niro. i always have, and i would like to be penetrated by him. [ laughter and ohs ] >> jimmy: okay. [ cheers and applause ] all right ♪ all right. all right. i am gonna change the subject.
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[ laughter ] chelsea, i want to talk to you about this. this is a giant deal, las vegas. >> how exciting. first of all, i have to say, i'm so appreciative, because i've been on tour for a really long time. this tour i'm enjoying very much. i get to perform at amazing venues like the kings theater in brooklyn i'm doing. i'm doing the santa barbara bowl. and then i get this opportunity to do a show once a month for the next two years in vegas, which is the most ideal amount of time to spend in vegas is 24 hours a month. you know? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, 'cause you -- yeah, you don't want to spend more than two days there. >> and i love vegas when -- for the right amount of time. i like to gamble. i like to drink. i like to perform. it's got all of the fixings that i enjoy. >> jimmy: for one day. >> for one day. 'cause when you gamble, you want to go in and gamble, and get out. you can't just keep gambling, you'll lose. so i'm going to turn the cosmopolitan casino into the luckiest casino in vegas. >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. you are going to do that. [ cheers and applause ] >> i'm lucky, and now the cosmo's gonna be lucky. >> jimmy: you did -- you did a a photo shoot there. you were there last week and
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your team went down. here's you gambling -- >> with doug. >> jimmy: with doug. [ laughter ] i mean, i didn't know -- he's already gambling? >> yeah, yeah, the apple doesn't fall far from the bottle. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's already gambling. how -- did you really gamble while you were there? >> well, what i did was i asked the casino -- i didn't have any money 'cause we all flew in for the day to do our photo shoot, and, you know, promote this, and blah, blah, blah. and i asked the casino to give me some cash. and i said, "can we have some cash for everybody on my team, 'cause i want to teach everybody how to gamble." a lot of people were scared. they hadn't gambled before. and i was like, "i'll show you the way." and i was like, "if you're with me, you'll win." i know we would win. i knew it. i'm just -- i'm lucky like that. so we -- we divvied up the money. they gave me $1,000. and in like five minutes, everyone on my team had made $500. and i made $1,500. and then i was like, "let's go." and then the casino's like, "what about our $1,000?" and i was like, "welcome to my residency." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: chelsea handler, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] her residency, "chelsea at the chelsea," begins labor day
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weekend. get tickets now. more "tonight show" after the break. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪♪ -are you joking? -[laughing] you're joking. tell me you're joking. uh, it's a little early for jokes, but here it goes. this muffin goes on vacation— what's happening? you said “joking” three times, that's why i'm here. uh, anyway, so this muffin— well i was just excited about my new car. -new car? oh, you don't need a joke, you need a jake. [singing] like a good neighbor, state farm is there. your state farm agent can help you choose the coverage you need. alright, i've got a show, so— you forgot your toothbrush, jimmy fallon! like a good neighbor, state farm is there.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: here with a special performance of "ex-factor," "survival," and "praise jah in the moonlight," give it up for ms. lauryn hill and yg marley! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> let me take it back. we gon' take it back. ♪ it could all be so simple yeah whoo but you'd rather make it hard ♪
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♪ lovin' you is like a battle hey oh and we both end up with scars ♪ ♪ tell me who i have to be to get some reciprocity yeah no one loves you more than me and no one ever will ♪ ♪ no matter how i think we grow you always seem to let me know ♪ ♪ it ain't workin' it ain't workin' it ain't workin' it ain't workin' ♪ ♪ and when i try to walk away you'd hurt yourself to make me stay ♪ ♪ this is crazy this is crazy oh this is crazy this is crazy ♪ >> glorious be to the most high jah.
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rastafari. new york city! >> i need y'all to make some noise for yg marley. >> jimmy fallon, are you ready for yg marley? >> come on. what you doin'? >> make some noise for yg marley. ♪ they don't want us to be who we're s'posed to be but we are who we are ♪ ♪ that's the way that it's going to be ♪ ♪ they don't want you seeking for the truth ♪ ♪ and it's hard to find it hidden right in front of you ♪ ♪ ooh-ee ooh-ee whoa ♪ ♪ and they're showing us to fight through every struggle ♪ ♪ never ever let them put you in a bubble and the brimstone will rain from our fire ♪ ♪ tell me if that
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is what you desire control control control control control control ♪ ♪ they want control of we and they want control over me over me ♪ ♪ ♪ they keep on fighting us down keep on surviving ♪ ♪ even though they put us through the ground ♪ ♪ yo yo yo that same bullet killed lumumba ♪ ♪ that same bullet stole fred hampton's thunder that same bullet put sam cooke six feet under ♪ ♪ that same bullet took medgar evers out ♪ ♪ bobby another kennedy split the nation of islam up into enemies ♪ ♪ that same bullet traumatized would-be men ♪ ♪ turned would-be revolutionaries into barbie and ken ♪ ♪ that saltpeter in a heater we lost so many -- ♪ ♪ many -- turned automaton afraid to get shot down like malcolm x in the audubon ♪ ♪ the same bullet took so much young black potential ♪ ♪ just 'cause they're black they're perceived as a threat ♪ ♪ a premature death
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some just walk down the street some for resisting arrest ♪ ♪ some at home in their beds some just for taking a breath or for daring to dream or for having success ♪ ♪ this construct is tricky it was made for a few if you don't hold your peace they'll come after you too ♪ ♪ that same bullet is for population control ♪ ♪ and we all to have to face that dark night of the soul ♪ ♪ if you gone walk worth your salt if you haven't been told ♪ ♪ you're gonna have to have faith it's calculated and cold ♪ ♪ that same bullet tries to control the appeal of men like huey newton and his man bobby seale ♪ ♪ that same bullet even shot at bob marley for preaching one love as a single authority ♪ ♪ and that bullet doesn't have to be literal ♪ ♪ they'll try to take a man down just for being political ♪ ♪ assassinate character with the click of their thumbs ♪ ♪ like a gun to make the people go deaf blind and dumb ♪ ♪ so overcome they'll be content with the crumbs ♪ ♪ i keep reminding my sons that's how business gets done ♪ ♪ and reminding my daughters to watch for verbal assassins ♪ ♪ should they decide not to cash-in ♪ ♪ they like puppets they control with string levers and pulleys ♪ ♪ and if seduction don't work they'll be back to bully ♪ ♪ control control said they'll be back to bully control control control they'll be back to bully ♪ ♪ they want control of we and they want control over me ♪ >> let's go. come on.
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♪ yeah. >> as we proceed. yo, what's up for yg marley. make some noise, let's go. >> yeah, yeah, that's right, standing. >> the number one reggae record of the century. >> all my bob marley fans, make some noise, come on. >> let's go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ tell 'em, son. >> yeah. ♪ these roads of flames are catching a-fire ahh-ahh ♪ ♪ showed you i loved you you called me a liar oh no no no no no ♪ ♪ baby tell me where you gone gone gone and i've been fiendin' for your love so long ♪ ♪ oh we can praise jah in the moonlight oh baby if you with me
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better do right ♪ ♪ and i've been gone too long too long ♪ ♪ and i'm hoping that you sing my sing my songs ♪ ♪ i've been on this road for way too long i've been hoping that we all get along ♪ >> come on. ♪ these roads of flames are catching a-fire ♪ >> y'all sing! ♪ ahh showed you i loved you you called me a liar ♪ ♪ give jah the thanks and praises ♪ ♪ i've been on my own all along ♪ but we ain't never left alone 'lone 'lone ♪ ♪ and if i'm telling you the feeling is wrong relax a little friend this won't take too long ♪ ♪ and when you're feeling alone you can call my phone ♪ ♪ is there a better way to go? teach them something before
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they lose their soul ♪ >> teach 'em. ♪ oh no no no freedom is the road oh no no no comin' in from the cold ♪ >> tell 'em, tell 'em. ♪ tell them not to sell it it's worth more than gold ♪ >> and what? ♪ and guiltiness will catch them in the end ♪ ♪ ♪ give jah the thanks and praises give jah all the thanks and praises ♪ >> come on, sing. ♪ give jah thanks and praises ♪ ♪ let's give jah the thanks and praises ♪ ♪ give jah thanks and whoa-oh ♪ ♪ give jah the thanks praises ♪ >> make some noise for yg marley. happy 10th anniversary, jimmy fallon. [ cheers and applause ] >> give it up one time for ms. lauryn hill, yg marley! [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: ms. lauryn hill, yg marley! catch ms. hill this summer as she resumes her "miseducation of lauryn hill 25th anniversary tour." yg marley's new song, "survival," is out now. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ it's a beautiful... ...day to fly. wooooo! (♪♪)
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to robert de niro, chelsea handler, ms. lauryn hill, yg marley, and the roots right there from philadelphia pennsylvania.
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thank you for watching. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." goodnight, everybody. thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- ed o'neill comedian nikki glaser executive producer of "a gentleman in moscow," writer amor towles.

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